Manage Your Stress

Life has changed completely in the last few years for all of us. How do you keep from going crazy?

Breathe

We have been dealing with children at home, financial stress, fear, confusion and rapidly changing circumstances for months. How can we keep it together?

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For months now, things have been changing at a rapid pace. New recommendations or information changes day-to-day or even hour-to-hour. News focuses on the corona virus around the clock. We are working at home, young kids need to attend school online and grown children come back to the nest. Humans do not like change.

Change, good or bad unsettles us

The brain does not like change. It really likes things to stay as they are. When we experience change, whether it is expected or not or whether it is a "good" change, like a marriage, or a "bad" change, like this virus, conflict sensors in our brain are activated. Some people are better at handling change than others. Think of that adventurer who is always moving, going places, challenging themselves to try new things. They seek out change. But even they will experience the cognitive dissonance that is created when the brain registers conflict.

In grad school, our professors loved to tell us that "ambiguity is your friend." I remember that saying frequently, though I never was really able to embrace the idea. I like things to be predictable. I am not a big fan of ambiguity or unexpected change. Now, we are all swimming in a sea of change and it looks like things won't go back to normal for quite a while. So how can we adjust to these new stressors?

Some tactics that may help

1. Maintain perspective and positive outlook Now, more than ever, you must be present and positive. Many people find that practicing mindfulness, meditation or yoga can keep them relaxed and centered. Focus on the positives in your life - the good health of your family and friends, the ability to work at home and have more family time! My husband and I were empty nesters until a few months ago when our 3 daughters moved back in with us when two of their schools went virtual and the third was laid off from her job in the entertainment industry. I absolutely love having them home, but it has been an adjustment for all of us to be living together again as adults after they have been out of the house and living independently for so long. I am pretty sure that I drive them crazy half the time. Try to keep your perspective and priorities straight. Enjoy what you have as much as you can and know that most of the this change is temporary. I can put up with the extra mess and noise in the house because I miss my daughters so much when they are away. “Will my children ever come back to visit after this?”

2. Practice self-care Maintain your health by eating well, exercising and sleeping enough. The temptation can be to have another cookie and sit on the couch because we all feel terrible, but in the end, that will make you feel worse. Sit back and imagine being able to leave the house for the first time in months once we stop sheltering in place. Do you want to come out of hiding wearing your once-loose-now tight gym pants, all weak and gray? I told my daughters to think of this time as sort of a spa - exercising regularly, eating well, keeping minds active... we will come out better, stronger, faster! (I can dream...)
   

3. Create a plan and a routine Yes, I admit, I have had a few days where I was in my bathrobe until noon, but people do better when they have a routine that keeps them moving. Get up and shower and get dressed every day. Hygiene is probably not what it once was across the nation because the beauty salons are closed, manicurists are at home, barber shops are empty. So yes, we can relax our standards a little, but you still want to feel strong and competent and your PJ's are not likely to make you feel good about yourself. Plan how you will spend your time and then stick to your plan as best you can. Set hours for working and hours for family time or relaxation.
   

4. Maintain your connections/get support This is such a challenging time - make sure that you are keeping in touch with family and friends virtually. My brother just instituted Friday Zoom Nights with my extended family so we can stay in touch. I have friends who are very stressed and dealing with illness, death, financial strains and other challenges. It is so much harder to have to deal with these things in isolation. If you are struggling, reach out to your friends and family for support regularly so you do not feel alone. If you have friends who are struggling, reach out to them too. Let them know you care.

We are experiencing unprecedented challenges right now and it is scary for many people. I hope that you and your families are all safe and healthy and that you stay that way. If you are experiencing real stress, try to imagine a future when we are past this. It will come. We can get through this together.

#change #relax